Lap Time with Hee Haw

Sometimes at our house it's really difficult to get some good quality lap time. All the humans seem to be so busy lately that no one ever just sits down to relax and read or watch TV. They're always at a computer or sitting at a desk or table, talking on the phone or reading in bed. Which if you are, as I am, a true connoisseur of lap time, are not situations which create ample opportunity for a good lap.

Well, thanks to a fortuitous Saturday evening phone call from the Human's brother, my luck changed. He was visiting the human grandparents and mentioned that Hee Haw was on the TV in their room. For the blissfully ignorant, Hee Haw was country music's answer to the 1960's Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In. It aired from 1969-1991 but hasn't been seen on the public airwaves in over 10 years. As it turned out, there was a Hee Haw marathon on CMT TV this weekend.

To the chagrin of the entire household (except me), the Human stopped what she was planning to do, sat down and watched Hee Haw for three entire hours.

And I had three entire hours of good solid "my head to her belly" lap time.

It was almost worth having to admit to the rest of the world that I have a human who would actually spend three hours on a Saturday night watching Hee Haw.

Does anyone else have my kind of problems?

--
Alberta

Guests, Quotations and Perspective

We, the official members of the Feline Oligarchy, have been fantasizing about writing this post since shortly after midnight on June 23, 2006.

That is when our OtherHuman and HumanGyrrl returned home from their cross-country trip with the two felines from next door:
Patch and Quito.

Patch and Quito moved IN ("just" until their humans came home) and, for the most part, we all moved OUT.

Out to our porch anyway. Quito so dominated the house, we couldn't continue in our regular life. BUT he never figured out how to use the cat door. The porch was OURS.

For the first time in the history of the Oligarchy, THREE of us could be in the same climber at the same time.

(Ok, so our Human had to put a rug over the hole on top of the center tube so no one could stick a foot in and bother Alberta, but she gets upset way too easily.)




We sat together and chanted poignant quotations we had memorized:


Such as:

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were. ~Author Unknown

Fish and visitors smell in three days. ~Benjamin Franklin

Visits always give pleasure - if not the arrival, the departure. ~Portuguese Proverb

Unbidden guests Are often welcomest when they are gone.
Author: William Shakespeare

If you are a host to your guest, be a host to his dog also. ~Russian Proverb

(The last one reminded us that no matter how miserable we were, that we could have it worse.)

We kept waiting for the neighbors to COME home so these invading felines could GO home. This Quito cat had stepped on every last nerve anyone had.

Saturday afternoon. The doorbell rings. Although we haven't seen them since they left last July we recognize the next-door-neighbor woman and her two girls.

They see Patch and Quito and they are so excited. The youngest one takes Quito and holds him and rocks him back and forth. And he let her.

Here she waits for her dad to come carry him home. Good-bye Quito.
This fellow feline we all thought was such a complete jerk brought so much love and joy to his people it was touching. It made us proud to be a small part of helping this family move across country, not once, but twice. It put all our torment and suffering into perspective.

(But we're still glad he's gone.)

Good-bye Patch. (You can come back and visit)

The "guests" have left. Our humans are actually sad.

But, we have survived.

We have our nip box back.

There is fresh nip.

Life is good.

--
Alberta, Sky, Blackie and Charlie

Couldn't We Please Read Something Else?

Well, it's an interesting enough article, but it's not exactly what I want to immerse myself in before going to bed. It's summer. Couldn't we find a good feline mystery to read? Goodness knows, there are enough mystery authors writing about cats, but the Human doesn't seem to have any she enjoys reading anymore. So if anyone has suggestions, could you pass them on because I'm getting really bored reading Newsweek. Their coverage of feline affairs is absolutely dismal!

It's been hot here this week too! We are fortunate in that we have our screened porch which faces west and is shaded by trees so it isn't uncomfortable in the mornings. And that we have a cat door which allows us to go inside to air conditioning whenever we want. We feel sorry for all our feline friends who are suffering in the heat.

Our feline "guests" are still here. (I am not going to use that "Q" name in this post. I AM NOT. And I AM NOT going to allow the Human to upload a cute picture of HIM in a post with my byline. I also have some standards!) The person who rented their house for the year came to say good-bye yesterday so it's empty. Our humans just don't have the heart to send our "guests" over to live in an empty house. Alberta is still counting naps but, in human time, it's one more week until our "guests" go home.

Our humans' hearts are in the right place which is why I tolerate them. And they are getting to be less of a pushover in the discipline area. Saturday night, Q made another serious attempt to overthrow the Oligarchy and the humans made him go to his room and closed the door for the rest of the night. We actually had 'family time' for the first time in weeks! I sat on the loveseat next to OtherHuman, the Woofie sat on the sofa next to the Human and Blackie and Charlie played in the nip boxes in front of us. It was wonderful! We didn't even fight with each other.

Now if I could only find a good book to read.

--
Sky

Happy Blogiversary Kukka-Maria !

Dear Empress Kukka-Maria is celebrating the one year anniversary of her blog this weekend.

We regret that we are one day late in presenting our gift, but it took a long time to arrange everything. Complete with airfare and limo service, we offer a one week stay in a luxurious beach resort on the Florida side of the Gulf of Mexico.


What better way to show off all the pieces of the new bikini?

Kukka-Maria, we hope you have the wonderful time which you deserve.

Happy blogiversary,

Alberta, Sky, Blackie and Charlie

Standards. Now, the Human has standards.

You might have gathered from previous posts that things are just a tad tense in the Oligarchy. It's been a little quieter this week and I've been able to catch up on my summer reading and snoozing.

That is, until the other night when the Human came home late from a meeting after work. She was going to have an apple for her supper, but when she reached for the handle of the fancy knives they keep on the counter, all of a sudden she started ranting about "this is tooo much. I really do have some standards and this is just too much"

Since it had become impossible to continue in my much deserved solitude, I investigated her perceived problem: some alleged cat hair on the knife handles.
She continued to overreact and refused to use those knives to cut her apple. Like a little cat hair is going to kill her?

And what does she consider the source of her perceived problem?

Hint: there are six felines currently living here: the four Oligarchy members and our two "guests". Five of us are "domestic short hairs".

Oh, could it possibly be "Mr. Butt in the Dish Drainer" longhair Quito who hangs out on the counters?


Perhaps if she suggested that he get his butt off the counter instead of going "oh, isn't he cute", she might not have occasion to be so dramatic about her new found standards.

And I could get back to my reading.

Humans. Who understands them?

--
Blackie

Oh, Not Another Gray Hair?

Well, a gray hair or two might be expected since I AM going to be 18 (in human years) next month. So the human thinks. I could be 18 now for all she knows for sure. But considering I have not succumbed to feline vanity and the useless pursuit of foregone youth by, ahem, altering my natural hair color, I think I look pretty darn good. (BTW: Sky thinks no one knows about his box of "Just for TomCats" in the cupboard. Ha! Ha! Ha!)

But if I have any extra gray hairs this week, it's because of a little "trouble" at home. Actually, we have a new synonym for "trouble" at our house and his name is Quito! (One of our visiting felines) Our human describes it like having a wild nephew or cousin come to visit: you love him; you're entertained by him; you want to keep him safe until he can get back home but he can't go home soon enough even though you know you're going to miss him just a little bit when he's gone. That's Quito.

The Human wasn't even in the mood to take pictures the other night and here are some spontaneous shots all taken within half an hour. Spontaneous is a good word for Quito. There is absolutely nothing staged about that boy.

Here's Quito drinking water from the kitchen sink:

Five minutes later Quito's in the bathroom sink:

Fifteen minutes later Quito is blocking the doorway to the back room:
because Sky went in to the guest room to eat their crunchy food and got trapped. Sky was looking a bit sheepish, but not too stressed when rescued.
But then it got real nasty. Quito trapped Blackie in the litter box.(I mean, there are some places one feline simply does not trap another feline) and then he trapped Charlie under the bed (no one traps Charlie). And then he got put in his room with the door closed for the rest of the night.

I have the mixed blessing of simultaneously being afraid of everything and nothing. Which means, I run if he even looks at me but, then I go right back for more even if he's going to chase me. The Human keeps saying something about "discernment" and "judgment" and I keep telling her "I'm 18. I am who I am. Forget it."

At 4 a.m. it got really really scary. Blackie and Sky got in to a knock-down-drag-em-out-rolling-around-honest-to-goodness-FIGHT. Which they have never done before. (The humans at first thought Quito had broken out of his closed room so they chased the black and white cat with a broom when they broke up the fight. But when they realized it was Sky instead of Quito, they had to find him and apologize and assure him that they weren't taking Blackie's side over his.)

All the humans could think of was the extra stress of both of them being trapped earlier just caused them to lash out at each other. Our Human was really not amused by it all as she had been woken up already at 2 a.m. by the phone because our HumanGrandma was sick and where she stays wanted to take her to the hospital. It was a pretty stressful night. OtherHuman gave up on sleeping and just went to work. Human went back to bed and woke up with both Sky and Blackie sleeping on the same side of the bed. They weren't hurt and they haven't had a fight since.

We know that Quito can be nice because he really gets along with his feline sister Patch, but she lets him "be in charge"

and knows how to "play" with him (in OUR climber, you may note)

But the Oligarchy does not surrender.



No matter how cute or charming or lovable.

Our humans had a call from the neighbor humans yesterday. They have to be back to work on July 24th so will finish moving back before then.Which means Quito will be going back to HIS home by July 24th. I'm not sure how many naps it is until the 24th, but I'm counting.

Naps, that is. Not gray hairs.

--
Alberta

Killer Socks

Most humans do not realize the danger of Killer Socks.

Killer Socks is a potentially fatal phenomenon which generally occurs during the hottest part of the summer when ordinary socks are washed and then dried in a dryer while an air conditioner is running somewhere within the household. (Be especially careful: "household" can include an entire apartment house or adjoining condominium complex. In rare circumstances, even a refrigerator running within 300 yards of the socks has been known to trigger disaster.)

A unique combination of ions collects on the fabric. The mere process of sorting and folding a pair of socks can result in a painful wound or can even prove deadly. There is no known test to identify when the combination of ions is reaching critical mass. Research dollars are desperately needed to study this situation which is the unspoken reason why so many humans in Western society wear sandals in the summer.

If you MUST wear socks and INSIST on clean ones, don't despair, there is hope.

An alert feline, as demonstrated here by Charlie, intimately involved in the process of folding socks, can use their "feline senses" to detect the deadly combination of ions and intercept the Killer Socks before they intercept you.
Just one more reason why no "good" household should ever be without a resident feline.

You can trust Charlie on THAT one!

Principles and Manners

Here are Patch and Quito (our visiting kitties for the next couple of weeks until our next door neighbors finish moving back home after a year in Seattle) THEY are in OUR living room looking quite comfortable next to OUR nip box. The Oligarchy kitties are ALL out on the porch spending more time together than ever before.

Our Human suggested that a quote about it taking a common enemy to unite us might be apropos for our blog today, but when we came upon this one from one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence, we knew it was the right quote for us. And that it was right about a whole lot more than "us" and our "sitiuation" with our visiting neighbors:

A general dissolution of principles and manners will more surely overthrow the liberties of America than the whole force of the common enemy. While the people are virtuous they cannot be subdued; but when once they lose their virtue then will be ready to surrender their liberties to the first external or internal invader.

-- Samuel Adams

Here's to principles and manners and to liberty and freedom.

Happy Fourth of July!

--
Alberta, Sky, Blackie and Charlie

Perplexion

Ok, Humans, we do understand that you placed a bowel of crunchies on the dining room table because Sky and Alberta can't jump on top of the counters in the bathroom anymore and that the Woofie will eat them if it's any lower.
But we are incredibly perplexed why you get so upset when we want to eat there WITH you.Get a grip. Haven't you ever heard of FAMILY dinners?

BTW: Do you really think we like the smell of that "cleanser with bleach" around our food anymore than you do?
--
Blackie and Charlie

Chutzpah

Since our OtherHuman and our Humangyrrl came home from their crosscountry trip with our two neighbor felines, our lives have not been the same. The neighbors moved into the room our Human uses for an office complete with their own food and litterbox. We were prepared to be good hosts for the couple of weeks they are to stay here, but that is proving to be more difficult.

Patch seems really pleasant and although she's a bit shy, we can have a good conversation with her and think we could really enjoy hanging out together. Although we do think our HumanGyrrl is a bit excessive in feeding her breakfast in bed.Quito, on the other hand, seems intent on running the house and has been a real challenge for us.
We don't mind sharing, but he eats OUR food,
rolls in OUR nip box,
not only USES OUR litterbox,
but then lies in the doorway to OUR bathroom so we can't use it.We're just waiting for our HumanGyrrl to discover that he takes his baths in her computer case.

The most polite word we can think of when we talk about Quito is "chutzpah"! We're still trying to be "good hosts", but would really appreciate it if HE would try to be a "good guest". Or at least realize that he IS a guest.

However, after years of wondering what an Australian Shepherd was doing in the middle of a Feline Oligarchy, we have discovered what our woofie is good for! She takes our side in "encounters" with Quito. She barks when she hears any "growling" so the humans can run intervention and, once, when Sky was standing up to Quito, she got in-between the two of them, protected Sky and "herded" Quito back to "his" room.

We may have to keep her after all.
--
Alberta, Sky, Blackie and Charlie

Adventures with Zeus

Has it been a full week in the Oligarchy!

Our friend Zeus paid us a special visit this week and he is just as charming, funny and sophisticated in person (uh, perhaps that should be "in feline"?) as he is in the blogsphere! How he maintains the pace he keeps with all his travels is utterly amazing! We enjoyed our trip to the ballet (even Blackie admitted that eventually) and the canoe trip, once we opened our eyes and realized we weren't going to end up in the river, was really beautiful.

We had no idea when we invited him that he was so strongly opposed to nip and were really worried he would think we were just a bunch of nipheads. But he was so cool about it, even though we did end up rolling around in the nip at the end of his visit.

Thank you, Zeus, for such an incredible day!
--
Alberta, Sky, Blackie and Charlie